When my husband and I met, he was fresh out of college, ready to take on the world. I, on the other hand, was fresh out of high school. So, it was no surprise when, on our first date he asked me, “What do you wanna be when you grow up?”
I answered without any hesitation. “I want to be a mom.”
So, here I am…Chad and I have been married for 19 years, we have two amazing young men (I can hardly call them boys anymore) and a daughter waiting for us in Heaven.
I grew up and did exactly what I wanted to do! I’m a mom and I have the privilege of staying home and home educating our sons.
Something else I’ve always wanted to be is a writer. However, I’ve always said that writing is just the icing on the cake. If I am never able to publish anything, I will still be 100% satisfied with my life. I meant that the first time I said it, and I mean it now. I am 100% satisfied with my life, but I also think I’m about to enjoy the icing on the cake. Let me share a little of my writing history with you…
My father was a minister for almost forty years. Being the preacher’s daughter definitely had its privileges; I had many “adoptive” grandmas! There were several women in our congregation who took me under their wing and shared their life’s experiences with me, hoping to keep their stories alive. I’m so glad they did!
When I was pregnant with our oldest son, who is now 15, I was visiting my parents’ church and as I sat listening to my dad preach, I found myself looking around the room at all the women who had helped raise me. I looked at each of these women and found myself recounting bits and pieces of their stories. By the end of the service, I had a book in my head and I couldn’t wait to get it on paper! (Yes, I do realize I’m also confessing that I didn’t pay attention to the sermon that day…)
I worked on this book on and off for years. I was committed to being a mom first, so that’s what I did. I only wrote when it in no way inconvenienced my “job” as a wife and mother. Daniel was 5 months old when we got pregnant again. I carried Grace through the first trimester and then she went home to Heaven. Two months later I was pregnant again with our son, Levi. Needless to say, it took a long time to finish my book.
Once our boys started school, I found more time to write and finish getting this story out of my head and onto paper. I found a lovely young stay-at-home mom who was also an editor! She helped me get the book into better shape and then the most exciting thing happened – I found out about a writer’s conference just a few hours from our home. I would be able to sit and talk with professional editors and publishers and get real, solid advice on how to proceed with getting my book published. I had my paperwork filled out, I had my payment ready…but I just didn’t feel at peace with the decision to go to this conference. So, I decided to hold on to the paper work for a few weeks and pray about my lack of peace.
During the few weeks that I was praying about this writer’s conference, something else happened. We got a call from the boy’s school. Our boys were bored out of their gourds and their teachers couldn’t keep them challenged. Goodness…what was I supposed to do about that? That wasn’t my problem…that was the teacher’s problem (or so I thought).
Chad and I decided we needed to spend some serious time in prayer over what to do with our boys. We had no idea what our options were, but we needed to do something.
Where did all that prayer lead us? Well, not to the writer’s conference. Where then? You guessed it – a homeschooling convention. I remember sitting in the parking lot outside the convention center utterly terrified. I had no idea what we were getting ourselves into, but I knew one thing…I knew I couldn’t pursue my book AND pursue homeschooling.
Let me stop for a second and say that I know several women who have managed to write books, get published and raise their little kids. But, I’m not one of those women…I know myself and I know my limitations. I know that I can’t give 100% to two things…and my first commitment was to my children. I know that I have a hard time transitioning between my make-believe world and the world I actually live in. Homeschooling my children and writing at the same time, wasn’t going to work for me. So, I had a conversation with God. It went something like this…
“God…I hear you loud and clear, you want me to homeschool our boys. I’m okay with that, I’m scared, but I’m okay with it. But, here’s the thing. I love writing. I want to publish my book. I want to be a writer. But, I can’t do both right now. God, I know my love for writing comes from you, but I need you to take my desire to write away. I need you to take it from me and keep it from me. I need you to keep it from me until you know that I’m ready to have it back. I trust you and your timing and I trust that you know me better than I know myself. When the desire to write comes back, I’ll know it’s time.”
It’s been years since I had that conversation with God and He did exactly what I asked Him to do. He took my desire to write and He kept it from me. Over the past several years, I’ve written for women’s groups and that sort of thing, but I’ve written absolutely nothing to do with my book.
God has not only given me back my desire to write, He’s also placed people in my life that are helping make my dream a reality. I am now a freelance writer for Crosswalk.com and am currently working on another novel. When will my novels be published? I have no idea. But, for now I’m content with the desire to write and thankful for the opportunity to share my thoughts through Crosswalk.com.
Chad, Daniel and Levi are still my first priority. I still don’t transition well between my two worlds, but I’m finally at a place where these two worlds are not so far apart.
I face each day with anticipation for what’s to come of my writing. I hope you find truth and encouragement through what I have to say here…and one day, I hope you’re able to pick up a copy of one of my novels. But, until then, I will enjoy the two worlds I am privileged to live in.